I lost my Dad this past week. After two years of fighting pancreatic cancer his body just gave out. Strangely enough its not eating at me, its not destroying me I am not torn to shreds and weeping every moment of the day. I went back to work. I’ve kept on going. My moms upset but she like I realizes that for once in the past two years hes not in pain, not suffering hes comfortable where ever he may be. I love him, we never had the best relationship growing up I was a trouble maker and with a father who was a child of strict parents and free thinking rebellious child threw him off its not that he didn’t try when I was younger he did but he got stressed and I am stubborn and wouldn’t bend. But since I got older and matured a little he became a dad more than my father. He and I bonded over baseball and he was always pushing me with my photography telling me he knew it was my passion and to keep working on it. Hes words and what he did for my family will always stay with him, I will miss him and soon it will probably hit me, I’ll break down and cry and maybe I need to do that who knows.
The strange part is how people are acting about all this. My mother respected my fathers wishes and had him cremated no funeral no wake just his wife and kids spreading his ashes somewhere we find appropriate. People who called my mom to say how sorry they were almost seemed disgusted we wouldn’t have a funeral. Dad didn’t want people to say how good he looked when by the time he died he looked almost like a skeleton. Of course at the hospital as my mom held my fathers hand as began to fade retelling their life story the good and the bad the nurse came in asking where his family was. I not wanting to witness my fathers last moments stayed at home my sister although knowing he was dieing slowly drove towards home thinking he could last, later saying why couldn’t he wait to die till after I got married in October. The nurse told my mom well usually there’s a church family and the extended family we didn’t have that it was just us. Mom was later asked at the funeral home why neither of her children were married and have kids telling her both I at 27 and my sister at 26 were getting a little too old to have kids, that we are wasting time not having kids. My mom told them my husband and I raised them right then.